My husband lied about gambling. What else does he lie about?
One of the most widespread forms of gambling involves betting on horse or greyhound racing. The skies the limit with this addiction and what it will do to your daughter. Keep going james im so proud for you. I know I am far from perfect but I don't deserve much of her accusations. I know of a woman who's husband had her banned. I hope this is the start of lots of support for YOU and I hope your wife also finds the will to 'turn around' in her life with the appropriate help, too. They will serve my wife's the papers near the end of this week.
I hate being lied to, it's so easy to read people and know when they are not being honest. He has problems and he is denying them so they are probably deeper than you think. Is this what you want in life? Only you can decide that. And yes, generally lying about it worse than doing it. How much did he lose?
If its a small amount maybe he's just embarrassed by liking the "vice". If it;s more than you can afford, you need to reign him in - even if its not at an addiction stage treat it like one to stomp it out. Explain this approach to him - treat it like a full-blown addiction to prevent it from becoming one. If he hasn't lost more than you can afford, he has to stop lying about, tell you everything about it now and for now on and all the money he spends on it has to come from his allowance. I honestly would suggest that you hire someone to find out your true financial situation.
For all you know, you could be eyeballs in debt and have no clue about it. That's what they do. And they are often addicted to gambling. It might be to late for this, but try to get on his good side act like you like it to and ask to go with. See how his habits are, how much he gets into it, and see for yourself if he has a problem.
If you show him that your totally against it. He will shut down and keep everything from you, because you disapprove. I don't know my wife lied about still communicating with her Ex until the cell phone bill came today and the 2 plus hour conversation was there in black and white If they lie about one thing they can lie about all things.
If you can't trust your husband you have big problems. Was thinking to ask this question too. Related Questions What do you do if your husband has been lying about small amounts of money spent on gambling? The Islamic terminology for gambling is Maisir , however this also has a second definition meaning easy money. While almost any game can be played for money, and any game typically played for money can also be played just for fun, some games are generally offered in a casino setting.
Gambling games that take place outside of casinos include Bingo as played in the US and UK , dead pool , lotteries , pull-tab games and scratchcards , and Mahjong. Fixed-odds betting and Parimutuel betting frequently occur at many types of sporting events, and political elections. In addition many bookmakers offer fixed odds on a number of non-sports related outcomes, for example the direction and extent of movement of various financial indices , the winner of television competitions such as Big Brother , and election results.
One of the most widespread forms of gambling involves betting on horse or greyhound racing. Wagering may take place through parimutuel pools, or bookmakers may take bets personally. Parimutuel wagers pay off at prices determined by support in the wagering pools, while bookmakers pay off either at the odds offered at the time of accepting the bet; or at the median odds offered by track bookmakers at the time the race started.
Betting on team sports has become an important service industry in many countries. For example, millions of people play the football pools every week in the United Kingdom. In addition to organized sports betting, both legal and illegal, there are many side-betting games played by casual groups of spectators, such as NCAA Basketball Tournament Bracket Pools, Super Bowl Squares, Fantasy Sports Leagues with monetary entry fees and winnings, and in-person spectator games like Moundball.
Based on Sports Betting, Virtual Sports are fantasy and never played sports events made by software that can be played everytime without wondering about external things like weather conditions.
Arbitrage betting is a theoretically risk-free betting system in which every outcome of an event is bet upon so that a known profit will be made by the bettor upon completion of the event, regardless of the outcome. Arbitrage betting is a combination of the ancient art of arbitrage trading and gambling, which has been made possible by the large numbers of bookmakers in the marketplace, creating occasional opportunities for arbitrage. One can also bet with another person that a statement is true or false, or that a specified event will happen a "back bet" or will not happen a "lay bet" within a specified time.
This occurs in particular when two people have opposing but strongly held views on truth or events. Not only do the parties hope to gain from the bet, they place the bet also to demonstrate their certainty about the issue. Some means of determining the issue at stake must exist. Sometimes the amount bet remains nominal, demonstrating the outcome as one of principle rather than of financial importance. Betting exchanges allow consumers to both back and lay at odds of their choice. Similar in some ways to a stock exchange, a bettor may want to back a horse hoping it will win or lay a horse hoping it will lose, effectively acting as bookmaker.
Spread betting allows gamblers to wagering on the outcome of an event where the pay-off is based on the accuracy of the wager, rather than a simple "win or lose" outcome. For example, a wager can be based on the when a point is scored in the game in minutes and each minute away from the prediction increases or reduces the payout.
Many betting systems have been created in an attempt to "beat the house" but no system can make a mathematically unprofitable bet in terms of expected value profitable over time. Widely used systems include:. Many risk-return choices are sometimes referred to colloquially as "gambling. Investments are also usually not considered gambling, although some investments can involve significant risk. Examples of investments include stocks , bonds and real estate. Starting a business can also be considered a form of investment.
Investments are generally not considered gambling when they meet the following criteria:. Some speculative investment activities are particularly risky, but are sometimes perceived to be different from gambling:. Studies show that though many people participate in gambling as a form of recreation or even as a means to gain an income, gambling, like any behavior that involves variation in brain chemistry , can become a harmful, behavioral addiction.
Behavioral addiction can occur with all the negative consequences in a person's life minus the physical issues faced by people who compulsively engage in drug and alcohol abuse. Late or missed payments would result in visits and threats from such crime family members. The Russian writer and problem gambler Fyodor Dostoevsky portrays in his novella The Gambler the psychological implications of gambling and how gambling can affect gamblers.
He also associates gambling and the idea of " getting rich quick ", suggesting that Russians may have a particular affinity for gambling. Dostoevsky shows the effect of betting money for the chance of gaining more in 19th-century Europe.
The association between Russians and gambling has fed legends of the origins of Russian roulette. There are many symptoms and reasons for gambling.
Gamblers gamble more money to try and win back money that they have lost and some gamble to relieve feelings of helplessness and anxiety. The Advertising Standards Authority has censured several betting firms for advertisements disguised as news articles suggesting falsely a person had cleared debts and paid for medical expenses by online gambling. The firms face possible fines.
If this drags out for a while she will be close to 3 which means I can put her in pre-school. Deep down, I want to move far away from my wife. My fear is that staying too close to her, having some feelings for her, and with the well being of daughter in considerations I might succumbed to the temptation of staying with my wife if she again making promises.
I really want to move on and start a new life without fear, anxiety, lies and financial distress. I want to provide my daughter a stable and addiction free environment to grow even if it means without her mom's present every day. I also want to move far away from my wife's family. Part of me wants my daughter to continue to have a good relationship with grandma and her aunt but part of me just want to get away as far as possible. I'd say do what you feel is right and if you feel moving far away, then do so.
You are the sound person who is looking for your daughter. You have given your wife chance after chance and she can't manage her gambling, her reasons are hers. Yet, your daughter should be given the best shot to live a normal life, not one controlled by the addiction, having to make sacrifices in order to bail her mother out, debts that certainly will have an affect on her.
I think it is wise to separate this debt from you, so you won't be responsible. Of course this is extremely tough on you, but never feel like you are breaking the family, or taking your daughter away from her mother because guilt and others will tell you to work on it more. Of course, it will be up to you, but if it were me I'd make sure to get my daughter out of harms way. About four years ago, I stopped my daughters from seeing their grandfather, they were 8 and 3. As I was estranged from him, after numerous interventions yet he kept gambling.
My point is my youngest doesn't remember the crazy things he said and did to upset me. However, my now 12 year old, the older daughter, still remembers what I went through. Take it easy, this won't settle over night or even a month. It will take time for you, but do how you feel and if someone tries to pressure you to forgive your wife or gives you the spill how staying together is the best thing for your daughter, they haven't live with an addiction as cruel and manipulative as gambling.
It's an addiction but doesn't erase any of their actions and it should never be used as an excuse or crutch. Life is full of rules and consequences. I met with my attorney yesterday and her team is going ahead to help me to file a legal separation. They will serve my wife's the papers near the end of this week. This can be changed to divorce if I wish. My attorney assured me that my wife's gambling debts would be her responsibility and not mine.
She also told me I need to come up with a care plan for my daughter so the court can see that I have a clear and solid plan before they can grant a move away. My attorney also suggested that I sell the house eventually because I can't rely on my wife making copayments. Staying away and starting legal separaton have been great therapy for me. Knowing that she is in the casino doesn't drive me into a panic attack any more but it still makes me feel sad and sorry for her.
Deep down I want to go through with the separation. My selfish self wants to enjoy life, do the things I used to enjoy, have financial freedom and no anxiety. I think I have given enough. However, part of me still longing for her to recover and our family whole, especially for my daughter. Thank you Velvet, Jenny, Twighlight and all of you for your compassion, advice and understanding.
I don't think there is anything selfish at all about wanting to enjoy your life, I also think you've given enough but it is good to hear you say it! I think we would all wish to see our loved ones recover but there comes a time where a line has to be drawn unless we want to go down as well.
The balls in her court where that is concerned, just as your happiness is in yours. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate having at least one happy and stable parent in her life who in turn can support her with her future relaitionship with her mother, your learning will be a very key factor in your daughters future happiness.
Hi James, You are a sweet man, only wanting what is best for you and your daughter and still your wife. Believe you are doing right for all, as you are the one seeing clearly. Move on with your plans, whether it is separation or divorce I don't think there is much of a difference.
The marriage has been touched by this addiction and as you have wrote, you have done all you can. As the years pass, your wife's addiction will get worst, as it is no secret this addiction just keeps get stronger. Maybe she will eventually hit rock bottom, however there is also a chance that she will not and continue to gamble.
As Velvet has written, what we think is rock bottom is not always the case for cg. My father lived in a car on and off for two years and he still gambled. This is sad, this addiction is sad, what it does to people is sad, but again the addiction is not holding the persons hands to gamble. The addict is raising their hand to gamble, they are driving, walking, taking a bus, hitch hiking, etc, to the casinos, or maxing their credit cards for online gambling. I think it is wise that you have what ever bank statements or credit card statements to show the court of her gambling, etc.
This is just to show that your wife has a problem, as the courts always like to keep families together. I would have the years you have been married outlined, along with her gambling patterns and how much she owes to the casinos, etc. Remember to take care of you in this difficult time and remember you don't have to justify your actions, you are really the only one who knows of the hell you have been going through.
I am sorry about your father's problems and what you went through. I am determined to minimize the problems my wife may cause to my daughter. The more I read about this addiction, the scarrier it gets.
A friend of mine told me a lady who has a successful business, lost over a million dollars, two husbands, and still gambles. This gambling lady told my friend that sometimes she can't sleep because all she can think about is gambling. Sometimes she would gamble away the salaries of her workers.
I have a distance aunt whose husband walked away because of her gambling and left two children with her. Sometimes she doesn't have money to buy foods for her children and sometimes the utilities get cut off for non payment. I didn't know about this until my family told me yesterday. Now with a little clearer mind, I think it is possible that my wife will get in similar situations and the reason she hasn't is because I was always there to bail her out.
Hi James, I have been reading your posts and agree with each and every reply you got. I think you and your attorney came up with an excellent plan.
Your daughter is still very young and I don't know how responsible your wife is with her. But since she seems to leave work to go gambling, it might be a good idea to include a paragraph in the agreement to not allow her, to take your daughter anywhere alone. At least not when it comes to driving around. I know it sounds paranoid and even silly maybe but there are unfortunately a lot of cgs who let the addiction just run amok and forget about their kids. Leaving them in the car is very evidently here in my state.
Happens all the time. I also don't know how your mil handles her daughters addiction, is she is realistic and supports you or if she is minimizing it. This addiction is very dangerous and it wouldn't be the first time that a cg puts others in harms way. Better safe than sorry is what learned over the years. I don't want to add to your worries but since you are calling the shots right now, it might be the right time to prevent something really awful.
I wish you luck! I haven't thought about the possibility of my wife leaving my daughter in the car and gamble. She has been a wonderful mom so far and I don't imagine she will do that but it could happens if her addiction gets worst. I will definitely mention this to my attorney. Baby daughters grow up into fearsome young women and strong-minded adults and they ask questions about parental actions and decisions taken on their behalf when they were too young to argue so I think it is important to look at your situation in a balanced way because one day she will want to know why and how you made your decisions.
It is possible that you have prevented your wife from getting deeper into her addiction so far by bailing her out but bailing out is enablement and enablement has the opposite effect in that it feeds the addiction and allows it to grow. You have listed extreme cases of the addiction and of course they exist but has your wife shown such extremities so far?
By all means James put all you are hearing to your attorney but I do hear that you still care about your wife and I think that suggesting she seeks treatment rather than condemnation is important. I take Nomore's point about mothers leaving children outside the casino I have often seen very young children open the door to the "no go area" for them, calling "Mammy, will you come out please!
My youngest, now in his 20s would get very angry. My older son said he "didn't mind! When I went to counselling there were six sessions available free of charge for any family member affected by my gambling.
All refused to attend. I guess I" protected "them well!!! The memories that haunt me though are those when my cell phone kept ringing and ringing and I kept knocking it off to prevent the caller always my youngest son from hearing the casino sounds in the background! I still feel sick when I think of the nights I left my sons waiting at various pick up points for hours in the dark and in the rain.
I don't know why that still haunts me but it does. I remember sitting beside a woman who was nine months pregnant , barely able to balance on the stool, thinking "Her gambling days will be over soon! Six weeks later she was perched on the same stool with all her cronies congratulating her on the birth of her baby girl and her husband pleading with her on the mobile phone to come home and feed the baby.
I must say it did baffle me to hear her tell him to "give her the soother, I won't be long! She, of course has her own side of the story to tell. Some CGs gamble to escape unhappiness and loneliness in their lives. Some have a happy ending. Some end in tears! Your wife will not deliberately cause hurt but she has an addiction to gamble that causes pain with its blind and selfish desire for enablement. I am not seeking to excuse the addiction or the CG who owns it.
I believe you are working on a balance James and I wish you well. She pawned her wedding ring and bracelet 2. She borrowed money from friends and told them that I am a stingy husband not giving her money to spend 4.
She took money out of her employee's club at her company where she is a treasurer. She eventually put the money back without anyone noticing 5. She borrowed from loansharks and high rate credit cards companies 6. One time she gambled for 48 hours non-stop after I left the house the first time. Her credit is at right now, which is almost flawless.
It is like this because I always helped to payoff the debts because her debts were also my debts. Now with the legal separation I don't know how long before she ruins her credit. But at least it won't be my problem anymore. I don't know if these actions are extreme or not or they are just the typical actions for the average compulsive gamblers.
Yes, Velvet, I will try to not comdemn my wife anymore. I am in the process of trying to forgive my wife and what she has done to me, to herself and to our daughter. Not because I want to come back but I just want to move on and get rid of my anger. I just want to be able to accept things as they are. In buddhist's teachings, when you marry someone, you owed that person something or harmed that person in your past life.
The idea is that marriage is extremly difficult and people are only living togetther to back debts owed in previous lives. My mother-in-law told me that perhaps I owed her daughter something in my previous life and now I have done paying off this debt the last 10 years so now I can go free. I almost smile when I heard this. May be it is true: Whether my wife agrees to this or not is another matter.
I proposed the idea and my wife seems to resist. I hope we don't have to fight in court over this. Right now my wife has my daughter and I miss my her terribly.
I miss the moment when my wife drives her home and I go out and pick her up from the car seat and she would smiles at me. My job, my family and my friends and basically my hometown is a little more than an hour away where my house is right now. I have been driving this far to work for a few years and my desire is to move back here to be closer to my family, job and perhaps getting away from my wife.
If I live in my hometown, I get out of work at 4: I can take her to swimming lessons and other fun activities. I have another option that I am thinking about. If I win main custody, I can buy my wife out of the house and stay close to her and her family. I would drop my daughter off at grandma's house in the morning [or school when she is older]. My wife would stop by her mom house to be with her for about two hours before I pick her up for the day. My wife then can have her for the weekend.
This way she will see both of us on most days. Do you have any suggestion? I realize that it will be up to me but I am so confused. I really want to live close to my family and support system. My fear is that by staying too close to my wife I may come back to her. Also, with living too far from work and driving 2. I don't have much time to spend with my daughter anyway. I told my wife that if our daughter stays with me on Monday to Thursday in my hometown.
I will set up cameras on our big screen TVs so she and my daughter can have face time on those days. I think this will help all of us and hopefully reduce my wife's resistant to letting me have my daughter from Mon - Thu.
I have found a wonderful and inexpensive church based preschool program for kids 2 to 6 for my daughter. Hopefully I can enroll her here. We are buddhist but I am open to the idea of my daughter being exposed to the church's teachings. Although I am not a Buddhist I do like many of the teachings but believing that we have to pay debts from a previous life is not one to which I could subscribe.
I believe we have enough to deal with in this life and we have the gift of self-will to cope, how we use that self-will is down to every individual.
You are trying to cope with a situation that you could not have foreseen and I believe from all you write that you are trying to do the best for all of you. I admire the way you are putting forward so many options when you must be totally confused by recent events. Does your state offer you the ability to sit round a table with your wife and legal representatives to calmly discuss what is right for your daughter such as the church based pre-school which sounds great and to my mind shows your willingness to accommodate different ways forward for all of you?
I believe that your desire to forgive does you credit but it is early days. The following was written a few years ago by another member and may help. Keep going as you are James — I believe the thoughts of many are with you Velvet. I thought we could mediate. My proposal that she has my daughter for Fri, Sat, and Sun is very reasonable. She told my sister-in-law that I am using my daughter to punish her and that she would fight this in court.
I just want the best for my daughter and have no thought of using my daughter as a revenge tool. I hope her lawyer is smart enough to mediate. Of course, she probably tells her lawyer that she doesn't have a gambling problem.
My wife has a very selective memory and the terrifying thing is that she believes her delusional version of reality. My sister-in-law is trying to convince my wife that my offer is very fair. I am responsible for most of this money but that is fine. I just want to move on. I hope it doesn't come to where I and my lawyer have to dig up all the financial records, callup friends and relatives to testify that she has borrowed money from them.
Digging up the pawnshop records and pulling out bank statements where she had wrote badchecks. She also has numerous creditcard debts from high interest loan companies. I hope it doesn't get nasty and we remain amicable to support our daughter. I will let you know what happens next.
I was very reluctant to go through this divorce and was even thinking there might be a very small chance that we could be togetther for the sake of our daughter. I am determined to divorce her now. I don't feel that you are condeming your wife at all, more so just the behaviour that we know frequently goes hand in hand with this addiction. Whether we love a partner, a son, a friend or a daughter or uncle Jack up the road with this addiction unmanaged, we know that the illness is progressive.
I would imagine this to mean - it gets worse not better. Many of us here talk about our need and terrible decision to have to become estranged from the person we love. Not truly meaning them as a person but the grips of their addiction which go hand in hand. We recognise that we go down with that ship if we stay. Perhaps some compulsive gamblers do have a line they will not cross, perhaps they don't.
Perhaps the illness hasn't progressed enough yet. Perhaps someone has been standing in the way minimising harm to their child which would no longer be a barrier when they leave. The truth is, none of us actually know what the true capabilities of the addiction are in your wife's case or indeed any other. If as adults we make the decision that we need to be estranged from the addiction because of the damage it does to us and the consequences of staying within a destructive relaitionship and all that goes with that.
Then how can we do a complete turn around and say that it may be ok for a very young child, with no knowledge and no understanding or influence over their own welfare and safety to do the same thing that we feel the need to get away from. That to me is double standards and very risky.
I think you need to go with what you feel is right. Nothing is set in stone, visits can be supervised, things can progress as recovery progresses. I understand your point, why should I leave my wife for my own peace of mind and left my daughter there to possibly suffer the addiction?
My wife has turned very combative, she called my brother's wife and in a very loud voice and angry tone declared that her lawyer told her that she will win custody. She probably didn't tell her own lawyer that she has a gambling addiction because she is still in denial. I think she is very angry at me right now.
I left her, I tried to take her child away from her, she blamed me for her family turning against her. If I ask for total custody and give her only visitation, she will be much more angry and may use my child against me. I feel that she will not endanger our child. She could, at anytime drop off our daughter at her mom's house.
Yes, you mentioned the possibility that my wife's addiction will get worst. That is my worst fear. I will discuss this with my attorney. I hope this works out ok for. I just have a few things to say. I am a compulsive gambler. My parents go divorced when I was very young. My father had me and my sister every other weekend. He would take us to the horse track every time we went to visit him.
Sometimes only once some times twice when he would win the first night. My sister turned into an alcoholic. Myself I turned into compulsive gambler. I didnt stop until I could get any more money anywhere.
You should thank whoever you give thanks to that you still have any money left at all. I would suggest you try to give your wife supervised visits until she is able to get better. You are really a very good person for trying to do what is right for everyone.
Hi Mred, I am sorry that your father did this to you. I hope to help my daughter avoid the same fate. I hope she didn't pick up the addiction genes from her mom.
I wonder if I can request the judge to allow my wife to be with my daughter only in the present of her family and she is not allowed to take my daughter to any gambling establishment and that she will have to go through professional therapy. However it will take a longtime. What is frustrating about this is that my family is not very supportive of my decision. They all think I should give my wife another chance. Some think that I should leave my daughter with her because she's not that bad.
There is such a attitude against single fathers. I had my daughter for this weekend and she came down with a fever yesterday 10 hours after I picked her up from her mom. My family is blaming me and telling that I can't take care of my daughter. I didn't want to argue but an infection incubation period is at least a day, much more than 10 hour period to develop.
They think i should remarry and leave my daughter with my wife and her family but i dont think i can do this. Deep down I don't have any hope that my wife will turn her life around. I lived in fear and anxiety for 10 years already. When she went gambling at 6 month pregnant it shocked me and I knew that I made a major mistake.
Some of my family also reminded me that I chose to come back to her and they have warned me. I know I made that decision and there is no need to remind me of that. I was wrong and I can't change that. The only thing I can do now is to move forward with my plan so that I could protect my daughter.
I will try to set up a meeting with a psychologist tomorrow to help me to deal with the grief of divorce and codependency issue. My grandparents raised me from the age of 3 to 10 away from my parents and I always hated that.
I don't know if that is the root cause of my anxiety and codependency issue or not. Hi James Living in a state of anxiety for 10 years is quite long enough and I think it is good that you are seeking on the ground support for yourself especially as your family appears to be lacking in support for you. I noticed that you posted on Thursday when I was facilitating a live group which you would have been welcome to join — we could have communicated in real time if you had wanted to do so and maybe this is something for you consider in the future.
Velvet is right James! You won't get answers to legal issues here. Every country has its own laws in relation to child custody and marital breakdown. However, I think it is very helpful for you to express all your feelings and concerns surrounding this disconcerting matter. Irish Law always gave the mother priority custody until recently.
Now the father's rights are taken into consideration more which is a good thing sometimes. I worked with "disturbed" children for 5 years. Of course it was mainly the parents who had problems and it was manifested in the children's behaviour. I saw children from very troubled backgrounds having decisions made for them by court judges which often shocked me. The only advice I would give you is to keep your business strictly between yourself and your lawyer until decisions are made. Involving extended family members will create emotional responses and arguments which may be picked up by your daughter.
She is at a very sensitive age for change. Try to keep her routine as normal as possible to protect her from this trauma. As a mother I would say your wife should be the primary carer of her baby. As a CG, I would say "don't gamble with your child's safety"!!! With the best of intentions the CG aspect of your wife's personality could over rule her intentions to be the best mother in the world! You will need documented evidence! I feel very sad to see what gambling has done to your little family!
All I know is I am very glad my daughter didnt get the disease so far I hope everything works out for you. Here is an update on my situation. I have moved again. I moved from my sister's house to my brother's house which is only 2 miles away. He is single and non judgemental and not telling me what to do. Initially I thought my sister would be able to help me with my daughter but now I find her and her husband's suggestions tiresome.
I want to divorce my wife. I also don't want any discussion about finding a new partner right now because it is too early. Suddenly I like the feeling of living alone right now. I don't have to be responsible for anyone but myself and my daughter. It is lonely sometimes but also very peaceful. I will meet with a Psychologist for the first time tomorrow. I hope she can help me to deal with the challenges that I am facing.
I have the ability to check to see how much my wife has lost during the last few weeks with bank account and credit check but I find the urge not as strong as before and I will try not to check them out. I also stopped talking to a friend who is my wife's coworker to see if my wife is still missing work.
I think it is pointless and may delay my own recovery. I hope this is a good sign. My Attorney assured me that any loss will be my wife's problem. Luckily, we have no joint account. We will try to sell the house in a couple of months and split up our K balances. I am naturally a long term planner and I find myself worry about what my wife will do with the money.
I hope she will buy a small condo so my daughter will have a decent and stable place to stay during the weekends. I have no control over it but I worry anyway. I hope I can get let go of these thoughts soon. My uncle told me that I am a frugal person who plans far ahead so I will never be able to make it work with my wife. I think he is correct. I put my daughter's name into a preschool waitlist for one of the best church based preschool in the area.
Luckily, they are expanding the school and my daughter is now scheduled to attend there starting on September 2. I spent an hour there to check the facilities, observe the students and teachers and their interactions and I think it is a wonderful preschool. I visited four preschools and this is by far the best.
Hi Mred, it is good to know that your daughter is OK so far. I hope my daughter doesn't have it. Vera, I think I am OK with my wife and her family taking care of my daughter during the weekend. I need a break too. I will have full legal custody. I will ask my attorney whether I could request the judge to ensure that my wife doesn't gamble when she has custody of my daughter and she will not take my daughter to any gambling establishment.
I also want the judge to request my wife to go through gambling therapy in order to have the rights to see my daughter during the weekends. Any violation could result in the complete lost of physical custody. My wife has been a wonderful mom so far but like you said she may get worst.
You can not unerstand it know but i feel it from all your story the strenght. Keep going james im so proud for you. My hb is a cg and the only thing i know is that our ff recovery needs time. Smile to your daughter and take power from her smile. Today when I drove my daughter back to her she told me that I should be ready to take care my daughter full time because she is applying within her company to move to an out-of-state location. Her company has many locations throughout the country.
The current arrangement is that I have my daughter on the weekends and she has my daughter on weekdays but the arrangement changes in September when my daughter will be with me weekdays and with my wife on weekends. I believe this is an empty threat. It worked before for her a long time ago.
She was in a gambling binge, I confronted her, she threatened to move and I backed down. Today my replied to her was "OK, I can take care of my daughter full time if that is what you want".
I was calm and did not react to her threat. My wife has told my brother's wife that she doesn't think I could take care of my daughter alone. It is certainly hard but I can. However, I don't believe my wife will move away. If she does, I hope she moves to some place that doesn't have casinos.
I met with a therapist for a second time last week. She suggested that my childhood may have something to do with my codependency issue.
I grew up my grandparents until 12 while my other sibblings lived with my parents. My grandfather was a family patriarch and he simply liked me and told my mom that I would live with him.
My mom didn't have any say. Although my grandfather loved me, my grandmother was cold and mean to me. My therapist also asked about my wife's background. My wife's father was also a compulsive gambler and caused her family financial troubles. My wife had to work early to support her mom.
She moved to the US, worked full time while going to college to send money back to helped her family. She didn't hang out with her college classmates either because she was working fulltime or because she didn't fit in culturally and she was much older than most of them. She didn't start gambling until her whole family moved here. My therapist said that my wife's life burden was hard on her and initially she may have thought a little gambling can be harmless entertainment because she deserves it.
My therapist told me that this is not to excuse my wife's gambling problem but something that I should have knowledge of. My wife turned combative today. Suddenly she wants me to keep my daughter full time. She told me her mom doesn't want to watch my daughter anymore since I want to have main custody. You think it is easy? She wants me to pick up my daughter now. I told her to give me a few days to find a baby sitter.